Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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