I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
