all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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