There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
