My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
