So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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