I feel like I'm in dance class right now
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
