So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
