After last night, I could never be a politician.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
