Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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