Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
