He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
