Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
