If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
