If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
