theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
