i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
