happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
