We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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