How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
