what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
