spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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