I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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