My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
