i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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