she woke up with a sticky ear
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
the raccoons are back...
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