i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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