You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
