I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
