see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
