I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
