im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
