Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
