Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Randomize
