If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
