Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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