bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
