he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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