Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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