Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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