gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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