with your own penis?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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