I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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