he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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