I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
