I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the day after is always just damage control
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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