How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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