The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What drink are we having for lunch?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Send help, water and tortillas.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
