the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
