So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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