Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
