you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
