I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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