i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Welp...herpes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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